the bunny queen of the whole school
THE BUNNY QUEEN OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL
A Musical BY Zoey Sunshine Bakken
Scene 1: You Know, The Average Morning
(Jack, a raccoon, and Mia, a doe, enter.)
Jack: Hey, Mia, did you hear about Isabella Jackson?
Mia: No, I didn’t. Why?
Jack: Are you kidding me? She’s the biggest legend in our school!
Mia: Really? What’d she do, Jack?
Jack: Oh, wait until you get a load of this! SO IT BEGINS!
(Jack and Mia exit. Confident preteen rabbit Isabella enters gleefully. Her best friend, Leaper the rabbit, enters the opposite way. Isabella and Leaper do their ultra-secret handshake.)
Isabella: Naw, Leaper, you’re supposed to do it like THIS.
Leaper: How am I supposed to remember that?
Isabella: I dunno, study!
Leaper: It’s not like you give me homework!
(Isabella and Leaper giggle. The school bell rings, and Leaper dashes offstage. Isabella whips out a notebook and solves a few math problems.)
Isabella: (mumbling) 141, then 6, carry the 2…done!
(Marina and Barry enter menacingly, with their heads high.)
Marina: Hey, nerd!
Barry: Got any lunch money?
Isabella: Shut up, Barry.
Marina: Oh, how brave of you! How would you like to have a black eye?
Isabella: How would you like to get a clue?
(Marina pins Isabella up against the wall of the corridor.)
Marina: Say that again.
Isabella: Don’t need to. You heard me, Marina.
Barry: We sure did! And you're gonna PAY. LITERALLY. LUNCH MONEY.
(Isabella sullenly hands over the money. Marina and Barry exit with a sneer. Isabella sighs.)
Isabella: If only I had some way to boss THEM around…I could only do that if I were some kind of queen. Hang on, that’s it! I’ll be queen! Of the whole school!
*Que: The Bunny Queen Of The Whole School*
(Schoolkids exit except Isabella. Ms. Flodsener’s desk is rolled onstage)
Scene 2: Excuse me?
Isabella: Excuse me?
Ms. Flodsener: I’m sorry, Ms. Jackson, but there is no queen of Tiptop Elementary.
Isabella: No queen? W-well how do you govern the county?
Ms. Flodsener: Isabella, the school is not a county.
Isabella: What about the principal?
Ms. Flodsener: You cannot be the principal, you are a child.
Isabella: (impatient) Sure, but is there any other position like that?
Ms. Flodsener: Well, there is the student council president, but-
Isabella: (claps) Yes! That’s it! That’s what I’m going for! Queen of the student council! (sighs dreamily) And so easy, too, I’ll just have to snap it up!
Ms. Flodsener: Isabella, you must know that you will not be the only-
Isabella: Gotta run! BYE! (exits)
Ms. Flodsener: (sighs and shakes head) That poor kid…
(Ms. Flodsener exits.)
Scene 3: The Student Rally
(Isabella and Leaper dash onstage, as the schoolkids flood in excitedly.)
Isabella: Hey, Jack!
Jack: What’s up, Isabella?
Leaper: Isa’s running for student council president!
Isabella: Yep, and we need YOUR votes to make a difference!
Adam: Sounds pointless.
Leaper: Oh, boy, it’s not! Isabella’s going to free us in more ways than one!
Jack: More ways than one? What’s one of them?
Isabella: Only getting those jerks Marina and Barry in detention for life!
Adam: We’ll get our lunch money back, too? No way.
Leaper: Yes way!
Jack & Adam: WE’RE IN!
*Que: Vote for Us*
(Isabella and Leaper lead the schoolkids encouragingly offstage. Marina and Barry enter.)
Marina: Did you see that, Barry?
Barry: See what?
Marina: Those crazy kids followin’ Isabella and Leaper.
Barry: Yeah, why?
Marina: They’re trying to stop our infinite reign, that’s why! All those kids are helping them! If this keeps up, we’ll lose all of our loot!
Barry: Sure, but what makes you think that dumb ol’ Isabella, Leaper, and some kids can stop US?
Marina: They’re smart!. TOO smart. I say we head over to their campaign base and see if we can pick up some…things.
Barry: Hehehehe…good idea.
Marina: Come on, let’s move.
(Marina and Barry exit, whispering about their plans secretively.)
Scene 4: Spy Spy Spy
(Isabella and Leaper are inside Leaper’s house, talking about plans over each other. Marina and Barry slink onstage, staying out of sight of the house window.)
Isabella: How do we get the real stubborn ones to like us?
Leaper: Lollipops.
Isabella: Good thinking, Leaps! (they do their secret handshake.) Man, you remembered it this time!
Leaper: Well, I studied! Did yoooooooou?
Isabella: Har har! Anyway, should we put the posters in the main hall or the sub hall?
Leaper: DEFINITELY the main hall…no, how about we throw a few in the sub hall, too.
Marina: Boring, boring, BORING! When are they gonna spill the real juicy stuff? Where’s the gossip? The intrigue?
Barry: I agree, but you LIVE off of gossip like it’s food, girl. I think you might be watching a little too much “The Housewives of Hollywood”.”
Marina: Zip it, Barry!
(The bullies peer into the window one last time. Marina scoffs, then pulls Barry offstage. Leaper hears a swish as they run through the bushes.)
Leaper: Hey, Isa, did you hear something?
Isabella: No, why?
Leaper: It kind of sounded like…kids. Running through the bushes.
(Isabella looks out the window, but sees nothing.)
Isabella: Leaper, quit it! We really need to work on this stuff!
Leaper: No, I really heard something!
Isabella: (checks watch/clock) Oh, it’s getting late! My mom wants me home for dinner! Want to come over? She’s making tamales!
Leaper: Sorry, Isa, I’m having fried rice at home. But tell your mom her tamales are the BOMB!
Isabella: Hahaha! Okay!
(Isabella exits, waving to Leaper. Leaper smiles and exits behind the house set piece.)
Scene 5: Vote for Us! (OR ELSE…)
(Marina and Barry enter.)
Barry: We gotta do something about this, Mar! It’s only a matter of time before Isabella and Leaper get enough votes to tell Ms. Flurgenson to toss our money!
Marina: What are we gonna do?
Barry: Our only choice is to run for student council against her!
Marina: How would we win in ONE DAY? They have, what, a vote from every kid in this side of the school already?
Barry: Then we go for the other side before they do!
Marina: And how do you suppose we get the votes out of them?
Barry: Maybe a good resume.
Marina: No, idiot, we force votes out of ‘em!
Barry: Wait, hold up, Isn’t that cheating?
Marina: Of course it’s cheating! We’re bullies! That’s our thing!
Barry: Okay, who’s first?
Marina: Jack, 5th grade! (Jack enters casually.)There he is.
*Que: Vote for Us (Reprise)*
(Blackout. All exit.)
Scene 6: Jerkface
(Leaper enters, sits down on a bench, and takes notes in her notebook. Marina enters and sits down next to her. Leaper scoots away, but Marina scoots closer.)
Marina: Hey, Leaps.
Leaper: Please don’t call me Leaps, Marina. Only Isa calls me Leaps.
Marina: Isa? You’re still friends with Isabella Jackson?
Leaper: I know she’s a nerd, Marina! We’re both nerds! Of course we’re friends! We’ve been besties for, like, forever.
Marina: Huh. Haven’t you noticed?
Leaper: Noticed what?
Marina: She’s bored of you, of course! Isabella just yesterday told my brother that she wanted to join US. She isn’t a nerd anymore, she’s a popular kid! And popular kids ALWAYS win.
Leaper: You’re lying, Marina! She would never do that to me!
Marina: You bet?
Leaper: I bet my lunch money for however long you want that Isa is the nerdiest, sweetest kid ever and that she would never be a bully like you!
(ALL who are offstage gasp.)
Marina: Give it.
Leaper: No, I wasn’t being serious!
Marina: You bet on it! Give me the money!
Leaper: Marina, I don’t have the money!
Marina: Give me today’s, and do the same for the next year!
Leaper: You’re a jerkface!
(Schoolkids jump onstage and gasp.)
*Que: Jerkface*
Marina: QUIT IT!!!!!
(Schoolkids scatter.)
Leaper: Leave me alone, Marina.
Marina: Fine, I will. And take your stupid lunch money. But you should know that Isabella is with us now. Let her know if you decide to be cool as well. Ta-ta!
(Marina waves and exits. Leaper sighs sadly and exits.)
Scene 7: The Confrontation of Isabella Jackson
(Isabella sits in the classroom by herself. Leaper storms in.)
Leaper: Hi, Isa.
Isabella: Leaps!
Leaper: Is it true that you hate me now?
Isabella: Leaper, did you join the drama club? You’re getting great at acting, bro!
Leaper: I’m not clueless! Tell me the truth! Marina said-
Isabella: Who cares what Marina says? WHAT are you doing? You’re acting like Brown Jenkins, P.I., and you HATE detective movies, so I don’t know what’s up with you today…
Leaper: What’s up with me is that she said you betrayed me! Besties since we were almost 3 and you go being a jerkface!?
Isabella: Whoa, language! I-I would NEVER do that!
Leaper: But I can’t decide if it’s true or not!
Isabella: Of course it’s not!
Leaper: How can I be sure?
Isabella: Because it came straight from Marina!
Leaper: Straight from…(realizing) Marina. You’re right.
Isabella: Why have you been hanging out with Marina?
Leaper: I didn’t! We need to set this bar straight.
(Leaper dashes offstage. Isabella breathes to calm herself down, then follows her.)
Scene 8: The Final Vote
Ms. Flodsener: And the winners are…ugh…Marina Ellie Mondoe, with her vice president of choice, Barry Stella Mondoe! (hands Marina and Barry ribbons to wear.)
SCHOOLKIDS: Awwww…..
Isabella: Hang on…
(Schoolkids exit on this line in a cross-scatter.)
Isabella & Leaper: MARINA AND BARRY WERE RUNNING?!
Marina: Sure were!
Isabella: So all the drama…
Barry: That was all us!
Leaper: You LIED about Isa…
Marina: Sure did! Like, of course, I’m a bully, I lie!
Isabella: You must have bullied kids into giving you votes!
Barry: Ding Ding Ding! It worked, too! Now we can get the student council to send the school’s money to the council…and then we can use it all for ourselves!
Leaper: That’s a terrible thing to do! And it’ll never work! What do you need money for so much anyway?
Ms. Flodsener: Okay, alright, break it up, kids. It’s time for lu-
Isabella, Leaper, Marina & Barry: ONE MINUTE!
Ms. Flodsener: UH, ooookayyyy…? (exits)
Barry: Go away, nerds! We’ve won already and you’ve lost!
Leaper: We won’t leave until you realize that what you’re doing is wrong!
Barry: We know it’s wrong, but we’re the king and queen, so what we say goes! There’s nothing you can do about it!
Marina: We did spread a lot of lies to win, but, you know, that’s what the villain does.
Isabella: You sure are one right about now! But if you give back the ribbons, MAYBE you’ll be fine when we turn you in!
Marina: You wouldn’t dare! Barry, take care of them.
Barry: Sure thing,!
(Barry grabs and throws Leaper offstage and Isabella against the wall. She falls down to the floor, unconscious. Marina and Barry laugh, high five, and exit.)
Scene 9: When Jack Saved The Day
(Jack and Mia enter. Jack looks heroic. Mia looks terrified.)
Mia: Barry knocked her out? What happened then, Jack?
Jack: I saved the day!
Mia: You did?
Jack: Well, 50/50 me and Leaper.
Mia: I thought so.
Jack: Hey!!!
(Jack and Mia exit. Jack runs onstage from the other direction with Leaper.)
Leaper: I can’t believe they won! And I can’t find Isa anywhere! This is terrible!
Jack: Injustice! I can’t believe I voted for them.
Leaper: You voted for them?
Jack: Sure I did! I wanted to keep my teeth!
Leaper: What?
Jack: (claps jaw, points to teeth.) Uh, teeth? Chomp-chomp things? Oh, here comes Marina and Barry, the jerks…
(Marina and Barry strut onstage. The schoolkids follow them in a crowd.)
Marina: Come one, come all! The crowning of Bartholemew and Marinastein!
Adam: Those are your real names?
Barry: Totally! Heh heh heh…. yeah! Totally our real names!
Marina: Shut up, Barry, you’re gonna give us away?
Barry: You shut up, Marina!
Marina: You’re such a child!
Barry: YOU’RE a child!
Leaper: You’re BOTH children! And jerkfaces!
(Schoolkids, Marina and Barry gasp.)
Marina: (steps forward to Leaper, strutting) Well, Leaps, isn’t that cute?
Isabella: Let us be the queens, you bullies!
Leaper: Yeah! This all has been like some stupid reality TV show!
Barry: How dare you insult stupid reality TV shows in my presence?!
Jack: Where’s Isabella? Leaper’s getting really worried!
Marina: Isabella’s in the nurse’s office with an ice pack.
(Leaper, Jack and Schoolkids gasp.)
*Que: If She Wants To Be Queen*
